distressedude | 028 ~ [Action/Voice]

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028 ~ [Action/Voice]

[ Friday Afternoon - House One ]
[Ever since the day Asch had to carry Ion home after he fell in the middle of the street, he's slowly come to a realization. For the past few days, the duration of time in which Ion was able to stand had only grown shorter and shorter. He can't stand at all without assistance, and that assistance essentially amounts to someone holding him up while his legs hang there, limply. Stairs have quickly become an impossible obstacle for him to overcome, forcing him to relocate to the spare room on the first floor. Now, with a pillow over his face, he laid in bed -- wishing he could fall back asleep so he would have an excuse not to call someone for help in getting up. He wasn't hungry, and in truth he just had no reason to get up and out of bed.]

[He wasn't going to get better. There was no known cure.]

[But that line of thinking wouldn't get him anywhere. It wasn't going to help him get better, and it wouldn't help him face the reality of what's happening to him. He hadn't even told anyone in the House about the diagnosis yet, using his own near-constant fatigue as an excuse to change the subject whenever it came up. And yet he's sure they've noticed something -- a change in him this past week. He hasn't been himself at all, and it seemed like the more he lost the ability to function, the more he lost the ability to care This morning had been no different, with Ion staying in bed well into the afternoon... until he heard something whining softly beside his bed.]

[Peeking out from behind the pillow, he saw the paws and nose of Colonel the puppy, curiously investigating as to why Ion was still in bed at almost 2 in the afternoon. Had someone opened the door for him? Or was he just getting better at getting into every little thing? After another whine and a short bark, Ion reaches out to gently scratch behind his ear, as if to reassure him.]

Did you come to wake me up? I've been awake for awhile now. [His words are met with a puzzled tilt of the head from Colonel.] I'm all right. Just... tired. That's why I'm still in bed, after all.

[With anther whine and a scampering of paws, Colonel bats at the bed again before skittering off to the other side of the room. Folded up by the desk is the wheelchair Ion borrowed from the clinic earlier that week, which has only been used but once. When he turns and barks again, Ion pulls the pillow away from his face and pushes himself upright.]

...what is it? Do you want to play? [An enthusiastic bark.] Why don't you go find Florian? Or Tear? [A whine, and then another bark.] I'm sorry. I can't play with you. [More scampering, and accompanied by a series of loud barks in succession. His patience has worn thin.] Colonel!

[The barking stops. With another soft whine, Colonel lays down and presses his nose to the floor. Ion didn't even realize why until he looked up, seeing the pillow from before in his hand, about to be thrown at the dog. As he lowers the pillow, Colonel perks up immediately and skips back over, paws once more up on the bedside.]

...I'm sorry.

[What was wrong with him? What was he doing?]

I'm so sorry, Colonel.

[It was silly. This was silly. He's already died before. What difference would it make if it happened again?]

I'm sorry... I can't even tell you the truth... can I?

[Since when has he been afraid of death?]

--

[ Saturday - Action / Voice ]
[Today was a new day.]

[For the first time in a long time, Ion got out of bed as soon as he woke up. It took more effort than he'd like to admit, but eventually he leaves his room, wheeling himself along in the wheelchair he borrowed from the clinic. He has only one goal for the day, and that goal is to make today as fundamentally normal for himself as possible. Though still feeling far more tired than usual, without the added strain of trying to force his leg muscles to move, accomplishing that goal actually seems to be within reach.]

[His first stop is the library. It's the place he frequents most often and the trip he knows he'll need to get used to first. Thankfully, these past few weeks of being unable to stand for very long have let him grow accustomed to asking for help reaching the books on the higher shelves. Now, it just means there are a few more rows he needs help with... though on the bright side, the previously inaccessible bottom row was now much easier to reach.]

[From there, he makes his way around to various other parts of the village, sometimes to actually go in but mostly just to get a feel for getting around. The school, Seventh Heaven, the clinic, the plaza... he's not quite brave enough to try venturing much further than that for now, but that was more than enough for one day. He's not exactly a champion of upper-body strength, after all. Before it even starts to get dark, he'll head back to House one.]

--

[Later that night, he pulls out his journal. His voice sounds tired, but his exact mood may be hard to place outside of anyone who knows him very well.]

Perhaps this question is a bit vague... but has anyone ever changed in a way that seemed to be for the worse, only to realize it could potentially be for the better? Not quite a physical change, but... a change in the way you think about certain things.

If you're willing to share, of course.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It could be? Did you dream about an experiment?

[...]

I dreamed that you went home.

[...

That upset him enough to make him want to bolt out of bed, and left him sobbing on the floor? She can't even promise him that it won't be true someday. Subconsciously, she holds on a bit tighter.]

You're in luck. I'm still here. And I expect I will be for a while.

[It helps to hear it. To hear her voice and know it's true -- she's still here.]

[But...]

...but what if I'm not?

I will miss you more than words can describe, then.

...that's not quite what I meant. [But the answer could very well be the same, couldn't?]

Nephry, I... there's something I need to tell you.

You don't...have to, if you would rather wait until the morning. Don't force yourself.

[He shakes his head.]

No... I should have told you sooner. I should have... told you a week ago, after I found out.

All right. What is it?

[Nephry keeps an arm around him, adjusting the blankets with the other.]

...last week, when I went to the clinic... they found out what's wrong with me. And they found out why I'm not getting any better. Because... I'm not going to get better.

[The hand that lives to freeze itself around her heart appears again; she cannot stop a fast inhale at his words.]

What makes you say that for sure?

...because there's no cure.

[He's trying so hard to keep his voice steady. So hard to try and hide how painful this is to talk about, knowing how painful it is to hear. But not even he can manage to hide the waver in his voice as he speaks.]

The last time I was kidnapped, the Malnosso did something to me, and the fonons in my body became contaminated with miasma. But if that alone were the case, I shouldn't have been getting worse... unless whatever they did to me was putting more miasma into my body somehow as time wore on.

There's medication that can suppress the effects, but if the level of miasma just keeps increasing... my body won't be able to handle it anymore.

[He's held on to this for a week. Longer, if he has subconsciously known all along as Nephry suspects. Why would the Malnosso do such a thing - give him a disease that would kill him? If they wanted him to suffer the effects of dying, as horrifying as that was, they could have just...

A few silent minutes later, and Nephry shakes her head.]

There must be more that we can do.

There may be people in the village who know more. People who come from worlds with more advanced medicine than what we have an Auldrant.

[But if this was caused by the Malnosso, if there anyone who would know how to stop it from just coming back?]

I just... have a hard time believing that myself.

What made you keep it to yourself for so long?

[There's a long pause. That's a more difficult question to answer than he would have thought, and when he does, the answer actually surprises him a little. There are so many reason as to why he wouldn't have said anything. But only one of them was the true reason.]

...because I'm afraid. And I just... didn't know how to say it.

Of course you're afraid.

[Who wouldn't be? She thinks even her brother would feel fear, facing a slow death. Nephry can't think of any words to help. It's frustrating. Sitting here holding him isn't enough.]

[Of course. For most people, that was logical. It made sense to be afraid of death. To be afraid of dying, no matter what the true outcome -- to be afraid even knowing that you'll come back.]

[But that wasn't always the case for Ion. He's spent the greater part of the past day thinking about it, and thinking about everything people said when he asked about it over the journals the day before. A change for the worse that led to a change for the better. After all, a fear of death comes side by side with a value for life. To a replica, who up until now believed he only continued to exist for the sake of others, it was like opening his eyes for the time. He didn't know how to handle it, now faced with death.]

[She wouldn't need to look at his face now to know he's crying.]

...but it's strange. I've... never been afraid of it before. And back home, I used to never care about it. About whether I lived or died... it made no difference to me.

[He's shaking. Despite everything, he speaks with a soft, hallow laugh.]

It's only now... when I've already died... that it actually bothers me.

Ion...you have learned to live, here. If you did not want to hold on to that, I would worry more.

[No solutions, and no empty words. What good would they do?]

But before all of this... if not for everyone being here, if everyone I cared about were to go home, I... I would have rather gone "home" as well than live without you. And them.

[He looks up, adding quickly as if to not let her dwell on the implications of that statement.] But that's not the case anymore. And... that's a good thing, isn't it? I just want to live. I really don't... I don't want to die...

[Those last few words get swallowed up in a small sob as he weakly lifts his arms up to cling to Nephry. He's so scared -- terrified -- and all this time has been keeping that fear quietly to himself, letting it build and grow until now, when it's practically overflowing.]

Yes. It's a good thing. ...We don't want anything to happen to you either, Ion.

[Three in the morning is hardly the proper time to think about these things. After a nightmare, and being in pain and weakened and burdened for so long, what he really needs is to rest. ...But how can he? Knowing what will probably happen to him. Even though he'll return in a week's time. That might make it worse.

She lets him cry for a long time, without saying anything.]

Ion. Listen. We'll talk to Jade in the morning about this. [If anyone would know what to do, would be familiar with this, it would be him.] Close your eyes now and try to sleep again. I'll stay here.

[It would be quite impossible to let him go.]

[Proper time or not, it was something he needed to say -- a conclusion he needed to come to and finally accept. Eventually the sobs quiet down into silence, save for the occasional sniffle as tears continued to fall down his face. He's so tired, he can't even muster the strength to apologize for the outburst. All he can manage is to nod, not trusting his voice enough to speak anyway. Thanking her for being here for him will have to wait until the morning.]

[It's not until long after his tears have dried that he finally seems to have fallen asleep.]

[Nephry can sense the first fingers of light in the sky out Ion's window by the time his breathing slows enough to call him asleep. Shifting carefully, she moves his pillows around to give herself something to lean against, fearing that she might wake him if she tries to dislodge him instead.

Eventually, she falls asleep that way too.]

[Jade can be an odd owl sometimes, roaming the halls in the odd hours of the night. He would say it's because you could never be too careful, even in such a seemingly safe residence. Others would say that he just likes to practice his best impersonation of a phantom.

Regardless of his motives, he happened to be near Ion's room when he heard some of the voices coming through the presumably open door. Jade quietly leaned on the wall on the doorway and just listened to what he could. Not all of it reached his ears, but enough to help him put pieces together regarding the situation. Jade almost felt cheated that Ion already seemed to know what was ailing him, before he had any chance to test him in that regards. The feeling is a fleeting one. Jade instead finds there's a different phrase that sticks in his mind:

"I just want to live. I really don't... I don't want to die..."

He's not sure why. After all, Jade knows the facts. Ion died. One day he will return to that death. He could not hide out in this world forever. And... he had chosen his end, after all, went through with what Mohs asked of him and took in Tear's poison. Still, Ion's words stuck in his head. As did their conversation from his arrival, the way he acted when describing his own death.

It took him some moments longer than usual to notice that the talking had stopped. He dared to peer into the room to see the two had fallen asleep. He whispers to himself in a sarcastic tone.]

My. How heartwarming.

[And he steps forward, examining them for a moment, perhaps taking a bit to adjust the blanket(s) and pillows around them, because those sentimental fools hadn't bothered to ensure optimal comfort. Jade then turned and made silent stride out of the room. He knew he'd have to do well to look after Ion. After all, he was like an ideal test subject. A boy who defied death. And who doesn't want to go back to it.

Ha. Now that will be an interesting battle to observe.]

[Nephry wakes first, to a persistent pinch in her back that forces her eyes open before she's ready to be coherent. Trying to move, she finds herself trapped beneath the weight of one slumbering Fon Master, and the events of a few hours ago return to her thoughts very quickly.

Oh.

Slow and careful, she tries to get Ion lying down by himself without waking him again.]

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