distressedude | Appointments Post

...I'm afraid it's not quite that simple. [His gaze falls to his lap. Unfortunately, the only way to answer that question honestly is to explain everything.]

I don't know if you noticed, but my health this past summer was rather poor. I wasn't eating very much, and I spent most of the day sleeping. Before Dist was sent home, he told me I needed to take better care of myself. He thought that the reason my body was becoming so weak was because of stress. And... for awhile, I thought I had gotten better. So I didn't see any reason to bring it up.

[His health had been poor, but he became very good at hiding it. The only meals he skipped were the ones he usually ate outside of the house, and though it's true he was sleeping in until nearly noon every day, that's not including the accidental naps he'd take at the library while reading. It wasn't until after Dist was gone that he finally began making more of an effort to keep himself healthy, knowing he couldn't just push his own inability to take care of himself on those around him...]

But now... it feels as though it's come back. And with Dist gone, there's no one here who knows enough about replicas to know whether I'm just sick, or... it's something else.

[She had noticed, subconsciously, but the changes had been so gradual that by the time her intuition really started tingling it had been far too late already. That, and she had been preoccupied with her own problems: the draft, her injury, Luke's death, and even worst than that, Ion admitting that he's dead. Even now, the thought makes her cold. And guilt too, but that feeling is always present, lurking right at the edges of her consciousness.]

[Biting her lip, Anise nods stiffly, her mind immediately going to Luke's death again. It wasn't so long ago...Could this be a replica thing? If it is, then what can they do? Dist isn't here, the Colonel isn't here, they don't have anyone to turn to - ]

[But first things first.]

Have you asked a healer to help yet?

I've been to to the clinic, but they weren't able to find anything wrong with me. Or rather, nothing they could diagnose or treat. It's possible someone else in the village may be able to help, but... I suppose I haven't been seeking that help as much as I know I should. It's easier not to worry about it if I keep thinking it might go away.

[And he does worry. And when he worries, he worries more, afraid that the added stress of his symptoms will only aggravate his condition more. On one hand, it would almost be a relief to learn that it was caused by something else. Though on the other hand, there's no telling whether what he has is capable of being cured. And that's not something he plans on sharing with Anise.]

[But that doesn't mean he can't confide in her a little more than he would otherwise. As much as he doesn't want to worry her, there is a part of him that's afraid about what this could mean for him.]

And if it is a reoccurence of what I experienced this summer, it's still possible the symptoms may go away after some time. But... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid that some of them could become permanent.

Ion! [She's already speaking before he's completely finished.] You have to take care of yourself! What if it gets worse and worse because you didn't get it treated in time?

[The knowledge that a cure might not be possible hangs over both of them, but neither is willing to voice it.]

What are the symptoms exactly? [They might be able to treat those. Even if it's not getting to the root of the problem (which she hopes really is just an extended illness of some sort), then treating the symptoms might still give them some more time.]

I know. And I realize I'm the last person who should be careless about my health. [It's no secret that he's always been rather frail, after all. But he's always been pretty careless, too.]

...at first it was a dull ache in my arms and legs when I woke up. Then it started happening whenever I stayed still for too long, and I'd get dizzy whenever I stood. From there, it started hurting even more, and sometimes I'd have to wait a few minutes before I could try walking until the pain went away.

[With a frown, he rests a hand on his leg, gently squeezing the area above his knee.] Now... the pain in my legs never really goes away. It hurts more when I put pressure on them, like when I walk or sit down. And sometimes it feels as though they stop moving all together for no reason at all... I've lost count of how many times I've fallen over these past few weeks. I thought perhaps I was just being clumsy... but every time, there was never any explanation for what else could have made me trip.

[It sounds less and less like a sickness as Ion continues to explain. If anything, itt sounds like what she's heard of arthritis, but didn't that only affect older people?]

So...there's a problem with your legs, right? [She's stating the obvious, yeah, but talking aloud helps her sort out her thoughts.] I'm sure plenty of people have those. I'm not sure about the clumsiness, but there should be medicine here you can take for the pain, right?

[A problem with his legs is putting it mildly, and in truth there were other more mild symptoms Ion was leaving out. Partially because he wasn't sure whether they were symptoms or just the result of dealing with this constant pain. Dizziness, nausea, shortness of breath, and a general feeling of being unwell that he'd normally associate with a cold... It's almost sad, really, that those symptoms are the ones more commonly associated with his condition.]

Controlling the pain is one thing, but... you saw how I was walking earlier, didn't you? That only started yesterday. It's not because of the pain... not quite. It's difficult to explain, but it's as though my legs are too weak to move. And those times when I fell over... it was as though my legs couldn't hold me up any more.

[He crosses his arms, feeling more uneasy the more he explains. After all, the more he explains, the more he starts to realize just how bad things have gotten. What if he's already too late?] Though it's true I had problems with muscle weakness before, it's never been this bad. And if it gets any worse... I'll need help with more than just walking down the stairs.

[It takes her a few seconds to grasp the implications. Once she does, her eyes widen as pity rushes through her.]

There's - there has to be something we can do. [A pause as she tries to think of something, anything.] Do you think it's really that bad?

...I'm sorry. I wouldn't have told you if I didn't think it was. [Why else would he have held off until now?]

Right now it's still manageable. But I need to realistic and consider what I should do if that changes. [Would he be confined to his bed? Or would a wheel chair be a potential option? And how would he make it down the stairs? It's a shame Dist's chair never showed up here...]

Once this month's experiment is over, I'll try asking around to find someone who may be able to help. After all, if replicas can exist in other worlds, there's no reason there can't be someone here who may know more about them...

[Hearing about Ion's condition had driven all thoughts of the experiment out of her mind, but at his words her worries about being manipulated again immediately come crashing back. Should they really be talking now? What if talking means the Malnosso will play with them again?]

[She darts a quick glance at the door before she can tamp down her discomfort. She shouldn't be thinking like that; Ion's health is more important.]

I - [This will probably be hypocritical of her, but...] Your health is more important, Ion. I think you should ask around right now. This started pretty recently, didn't it? If it got this bad so quickly, there's no telling how much worse it can get.

And it's because of my health that I want to wait until this experiment is over.

[He doesn't want to risk leaving the house. That's why he's been up here in his room all day, after all. He's not even talking to people over the journal.] If this is something caused by stress, then... the last thing I need is to put any more undue stress on my heart.

The malnosso are good at that.

[There's a distinct bitterness in those last few words. It wasn't a tone Ion used often.]

[Which is why it stands out to Anise. Tentatively, she reaches out to give Ion a quick little pat on his shoulder. Months before, she would have hugged him or at least given his hand a squeeze, but not any more, especially not with the experiment going on.]

[Looking fully at Ion, she smiles reassuringly.]

Let's ask together as soon as it's over! We might be able to find someone who can help quicker if we're working together.

[As much as he can't blame her for keeping her distance, that pat on his shoulder is hardly comforting coming from Anise of all people. It's honestly hard to tell if her awkwardness if just because of the experiment, or because of everything they've gone through in Luceti so far...]

[But he smiles.]

Yes, and I hope we will. Thank you, Anise.

...though speaking of my health, I should probably eat while the food is still warm.

[Oops, she had almost forgot about it.]

Yeah, you need to keep your energy up! Is there anything else you want? I could make you a cup of tea.

I think I have everything I need. Although... [A pause. And then he shakes his head.]

...no, nevermind. I should be all right here.

[It's getting harder to ignore her hunger, so despite her misgivings, Anise says:] If you're sure! Would you be okay if I go eat dinner before coming up again?

Of course, but... you wouldn't mind coming up here again?

[It may be a self-imposed isolation, but that didn't mean he enjoyed being alone in his room all day.]

Of course not! I'll have to take the tray down once you're finished anyway.

All right. Then I'll see you after dinner?

I'll be back as soon as I can!

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