Fon Master Ion (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
distressedude) wrote2011-02-12 02:48 pm
distressedude) wrote2011-02-12 02:48 pm
Entry tags:
012 ~ [Action]
[Anise hadn't even been gone a full day yet and Ion already didn't know what to do with himself. It hurt to look across the hall and know that the room was empty. It hurt knowing he wouldn't see Anise's smiling face as she cooked breakfast in the morning. It hurt knowing he wouldn't get to spend another day with her around the village. It hurt knowing he still had so many things he wanted to talk to her about, things he needed to say to her, and now he couldn't.]
[Too many things were hurting and he didn't know how to handle it. He'd never felt something like this before.]
[And the only thing he could think of right now was to try not handling it. He needed time. This was different from the kidnappings; he may not have been able to know when, but he always knew she would come back eventually. And he would be there waiting for her. Now? He wasn't sure he could wait. Naturally, the thought that he might never see her again had already crossed his mind. Even if she were brought back to Luceti, he could be sent back before then...]
[He needed to get his mind off of things. Even if just for a day. Even if just for an hour.]
[Which is why Ion will be making his way around the village today, first stopping at the library and trying in vain to lose himself within the pages of a good book. Or a few books. From there, he wanders the areas around the plaza for awhile, perhaps grabbing something to eat at one of the restaurants despite his lack of an appetite. Eventually he'll give up on this and settle for walking the paths of the village until it gets too cold to do so anymore. By the time the sun has set, he'll be sitting on the front porch of House 1 and looking up at the starry sky, still not quite ready to head back inside.]
[Too many things were hurting and he didn't know how to handle it. He'd never felt something like this before.]
[And the only thing he could think of right now was to try not handling it. He needed time. This was different from the kidnappings; he may not have been able to know when, but he always knew she would come back eventually. And he would be there waiting for her. Now? He wasn't sure he could wait. Naturally, the thought that he might never see her again had already crossed his mind. Even if she were brought back to Luceti, he could be sent back before then...]
[He needed to get his mind off of things. Even if just for a day. Even if just for an hour.]
[Which is why Ion will be making his way around the village today, first stopping at the library and trying in vain to lose himself within the pages of a good book. Or a few books. From there, he wanders the areas around the plaza for awhile, perhaps grabbing something to eat at one of the restaurants despite his lack of an appetite. Eventually he'll give up on this and settle for walking the paths of the village until it gets too cold to do so anymore. By the time the sun has set, he'll be sitting on the front porch of House 1 and looking up at the starry sky, still not quite ready to head back inside.]
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I've lost any clarity I may have had on the details of...all that happened that day, unfortunately. ...But if I may ask. Why?
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...it was the only way I could help them. The miasma had contaminated Tear's body. It was killing her. Removing the miasma otherwise would have been impossible...
[He looks down at his hands.] It was only when my own body began to dissipate that I was able to draw the contaminated fonons out of her body and into my own.
[He tightens his hand into a fist.] ...and it worked. I was even able... to leave them with a final reading of the score in the hopes of guiding them. To give them some kind of hint...
[His eyes are back at the sky, and despite everything he's saying, he's smiling.]
Even though it was through Mohs' manipulation that the stage was set, it had been my decision to die that day.
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But I had to do something to help them. To save her.
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...but the thing is... I'm a replica. A weak one. It was inevitable that my life was going to be a short one. I didn't want to die knowing I hadn't been able to accomplish something... to do something meaningful with this life I'd been given... something other than living as a replacement for someone who had died.
[He bows his head.] That's why... I was happy to have died in the way that I did. In a way that I wanted to.
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[...]
...no. Even after she learned I was a replica, she treated me the same as she always had. It didn't matter that I wasn't the real Ion because... I was the only Ion who mattered to her...
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...Ion, I don't believe that being a replica makes you any less real than any other person. And to be quite honest with you I find it almost impossible to believe that you could consider and care so much about others and yet still believe you might not have a soul.
I apologize if that seems harsh but...you and all the other replicas are people, no matter how you were born, or how strong you are, or what reason there may be for your existence.
When I think of what would have become of Auldrant without you...
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[She must have spoken with Luke. Ion isn't sure how to respond to this right away. After a few moments of silence, he shakes his head.]
It... that wasn't too harsh. You're right. [He looks down.] It's not that I truly believed I didn't have one... I just didn't know what to think, when Luke told me. It surprised me. It was just something I had never put much thought into... whether or not replicas had souls... whether or not I had one.
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[Actually it's kind of hard to explain really.]
The point is that...you're not just a replacement. If we replicated Anise now would it be the same?
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No. No, of course it wouldn't, it...
[...but it was something he needed to hear. He stares down at the ground for a few moments, speechless. Was the answer really that obvious? He had already accepted that nothing could be made to replace him. He knew that. But the idea that he wasn't a replacement either...]
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[He was created as a replacement, but had he lived as one? Was he really just a stand-in for the original? ...no. Anise herself had seen it. He was just Ion. If he were to accept his life as a replacement, that would mean his original had been replaceable... but that couldn't be the case. People had cared for him as well, hadn't they? How had he felt, what had it been like, knowing you were just going to be replaced when you die...]
[He knew how that felt. That was exactly as it had been for him, wasn't it? The knowledge that he could have been so easily replaced by another replica. The reason he cared so little about what happened to himself... it was the same. Even though he was a replica, it had been the same for his original.]
[But if that were true, and people couldn't be replaced, then... he couldn't have been a replacement.]
[It's at this point in his thought process that tears begin streaming down his face.]
...had it really been... that simple?
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No different than any other person might, grieving a life they would miss.]
It's rarely simple.
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Nephry... thank you.
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[Of course, she did far more than just that just now.]
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[have a real smile.]
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[With how things have been these past two days, that smile is a big relief.]
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...Are you feeling better today than you were?
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...Forgive me for asking, but...did you have something to say to her?
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While it had only been my intention to talk to her about my conversation with Luke, when you asked me so suddenly before, that... wasn't what I thought of...
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I was asking if you were physically feeling any better.
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