distressedude | 021 ~ [Voice]

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021 ~ [Voice]

[Even with the month of February coming to a close, the weather has still been rather cold. But that didn't stop spring from trying to make its way through, and even now, one could see the start of buds on trees around the forest. Appropriately bundled up for the weather, Ion rests at the foot of the largest tree in the cherry tree grove just north of the village. Taking in a long, steady breath, he absentmindedly opens his journal. When he speaks, it doesn't even seem like he's addressing the journal at first. His voice sounds distant; he's had a lot on his mind lately.]

I wonder what it would be like to live in Luceti longer than I lived back on Auldrant... so far. [Those last words are added rather hastily, like an after-thought. There's a wistful smile on his face.] Thinking about it used to make me feel sad... now I'm almost not sure what to think. It feels like the longer I'm here, the greater the chance is that I might start to forget things about home. The sound of the city bustling to life in the morning. The way the sun shines off the fonbelt in the sky at sunset. The faces of all the kind people I've met...

[He trails off before smiling a little more brightly.]

But I guess it really hasn't been all that long. [Two years in Luceti. Almost a year back on Auldrant. Nearly a quarter of the time he's been alive.] Besides, there are things here that I never want to forget as well...

[He trails off and looks off into the distance. The only sound for a few moments is that of birds chirping overhead. Aburptly, he looks back down at the journal.]

Ah. I think I lost track of where I was going with this. I'm sorry for rambling.

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No... it is isn't. [He frowns, falling silent for a moment... before shaking his head and looking back up.]

I'm sorry if that all a bit confusing... to be honest, I don't usually talk about Auldrant very much these days. It's... difficult, sometimes, to do so without feeling a bit homesick.

... Yeah, I get you. [ Except his home is only in his memories. ] You don't need to talk about it if you don't want.

...it's not that I don't want to talk about it. I do. It's just... hard. I'd like to think someday it won't be so painful to think about. But I also know ignoring things won't make it any easier...

... Did you enjoy it? Before you came here.

Of course. Thought it may be true that I enjoy living in Luceti, Auldrant... was still my home.

[And yet he might sound just a little unsure about that last point.]

... I'm sorry.

Have you... tried going back in the Battledome, yourself? [ He's wondering if that's why Ion got the idea in the first place. ]

I've thought about it, but... [He trails off. Then shakes his head.]

It's fine. Perhaps I'll get used to it someday. I have to, after all.

... You might go back.

[ He says it quietly. It's not something he wants... but he's been in Luceti far to long to pretend that's not something to be considered. He's had important people go home on him before. ]

[There's a pause. It's a long pause, and perhaps a bit telling. Ion doesn't know what to say to that. What he should say. What he wants to say. The words alone sent an unpleasant chill down his spine, knowing fully well just what "going back" would mean for him.]

[But should he say that? Is that something he really wants to talk about right now? He doesn't know. It had been so hard to tell Luke after keeping it a secret from him for so long. And yet there's still that little part of him that feels grateful, knowing now how much closer it brought them. They swore to never keep things hidden from each other ever again. And though there were still things Ion hasn't told Luke about yet... it was a comfort. And it had been a comfort, to be given the chance to mourn his own fate like that...]

[But it was still painful. So painful. Perhaps even more so for the one who had to hear about it. Would it be right to put some of that pain, that burden, on Kohan as well? Would he be like Luke, angry that he hadn't known before, knowing that his words had been hurting Ion all that time without ever knowing? Would he want to know?]

[When Ion finally finds the will to speak, his voice is soft, and more than a little sad.]

...I hope not.

[ It is. Well, sort of. Rep doesn't know exactly what's wrong, but it's easy to tell that he stumbled across a sensitive spot. So even though Ion responds, Kohan's searching for another topic. ]

Well, this place isn't so bad anyway, is it?

...no. I really do like living here. I've gotten the chance to meet so many people, and do so many things I wouldn't have had the chance to do back home.

But even so I...

[...]

[He tries to smile. He doesn't expect Kohan to think even for a moment that it's a sincere smile, but he's trying nonetheless.]

I... ah, I'm sorry, I think I lost track of where I was going with that. I seem to be doing that a lot today.

Don't... worry about it. I guess... that's a good thing about this place. It's small, but there's a lot of people. So you wind up meeting more than you might at home.

...that's right. [His smile brightens -- just a little bit.] After all, without this place, we might never have had the chance to meet.

Yeah.

[ And then OHGOD WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS all of the awkward hits Kohan again because that experiment is still next to impossible to get out of his mind keysmash keysmash ]

... And people here don't seem to care about... what you are. Or who.

[That's probably something Kohan will have to get used to, seeing as chances are he won't be forgetting that experiment anytime soon. And neither will Ion.]

That's right. I wonder if it's simply because there are so many different people here from so many different worlds... it's difficult to imagine how the village would be able to function otherwise, with so many different sorts of people here.

[He pauses, thinking to himself for a moment.] Perhaps that's one of the things I never expected I would enjoy so much. Though there are still a few people from my world who refer to me by my title, it's... nice to have everyone here call me simply by my name. It feels so much warmer, somehow.

I'm glad.

[ That he's happy about something like that. ]

Maybe... a lot of people come from worlds where there aren't things like... Replicas, or... Nobodies. [ It's the best he could come up with for a second example. ] So they don't have any ideas about what it would mean until they meet someone like that.

..."Nobodies"?

[Well hey, here's another world where something like that doesn't exist.]

... Oh.

They're... people who were born without hearts. Or that's what they say, at least. For some of them... that just doesn't seem right.

[...]

Born without a heart? How... is that possible?

[...there is a slight miscommunication going on here.]

[ To be fair, Kingdom Hearts is really stupid about how it uses the word heart. ]

Oh, right. Not "heart" like...

[ how does i explain canon ]

Alright, how about this. It's thanks to our hearts that we can feel emotions. Happiness and sadness, good feelings and bad. It's because of our hearts that we want to help people, or... hurt them. Hearts can have both light and darkness in them.

But Nobodies don't have those emotions. They might seem like normal people, but... they don't have hearts. That's what makes them Nobodies. At least, that's what I've been told.

People who don't have emotions... I didn't think something like that was possible. Newborn replicas on Auldrant seem emotionless at first, but they develop them as they grow and learn about the world around them...

[But to be incapable of feeling them at all... that sounded so sad. Although, if they're not capable of feeling sad, does that mean they wouldn't agree? It sounded complicated.]

[ It is complicated. ]

I'd... never really thought it was possible, either. I've met a few of them, though, and some of them... I don't know if I'd say that they didn't seem like they had emotions, but. I guess, something about them seemed off. But some of them did act like they had emotions.

I don't know what a Nobody with a heart would be, though. Maybe just a normal person. Not sure why they'd want to be a Nobody, then...

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021 ~ [Voice]

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