distressedude | 027 ~ [Action]

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027 ~ [Action]

[The past few days have been rather strange for Ion. Between all the problems stemming off of what happened on Christmas eve and the incident with Kohan, something new has started happening. Something he can't quite explain.]

[It started out of nowhere. Just like that day when he was returned from the malnosso, he awoke with a sharp pain running down his arms and legs. But this time it felt different -- stronger. And it took more than a few minutes before he finally felt stable enough to move out of bed. For awhile, he thought perhaps it was nothing. Maybe he was just feeling a little sore from all the stress? It wouldn't be the first time stress had affected his health, after all.]

[But then it happened again at the library. And that was only a few hours after a rather nasty fall while walking around the village, scraping the palms of his hands and his knees. He's lucky it was snowing earlier that day, or it might have been even worse! But in the library, all he had been doing was sitting and reading. And then, once he tried to move again to find another book, his legs prickled with pain, pulling him back down where he'd been sitting.]

[Something was wrong. But what should he do? Would it be right to bring this up, knowing it might be nothing? Especially if it does turn out to be nothing, in which case he'd just be causing undue stress for the others. And he can't help but think back to that last conversation with Nephry...]

[Which is why he'll be popping over to go visit a certain friend, without notice -- rather unlike him, but he didn't exactly want to make the trek back home to fetch his journal. He'll just have to hope he's home...]

[After that, he'll be making his way home. But given the snow still falling and covering the ground, he won't be having a very easy time of it. At least the snow will provide a soft landing for when he trips over his own feet.]

--

((ooc: Hey guys! So this post is basically the starting point for a little plot I've got going for Ion. Feel free to catch him anywhere around the village, including: the plaza, Seventh Heaven, the library, walking towards C4, or making his way back to House 1.))

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So you would rather sit here and wonder and worry yourself into sickness with not knowing, instead. [It's very gentle. From his perspective it must not seem so clear cut at all. Nephry gets herself close enough to close a hand over his shoulder.]

At least if you know then you will know, and you can stop questioning.

[He doesn't really respond to that first part. He's not about to acknowledge that his worrying about this situation with Kohan could have been what triggered his stress to go up so much, even if the timing seems to fit.]

...it's not that simple. Even if knowing would take the pressure off of myself, I don't want to do anything that would make things more difficult for him. [Like he did when he told Anise. He doesn't want his feelings to be a burden -- to be an inconvenience to Kohan, even if he knows Kohan would never say so. After all, Kohan's already had to deal with false memories his whole life. The last thing he needs is to deal with false emotions. And though it's become increasingly clear that Ion's feelings are sincere, he still can't say the same for Kohan.]

[There's a bitterness in his next words -- a bitterness he didn't have before coming to Luceti. After all, it's only in Luceti that he's really experienced love, and so far, most of his experiences have only ended bitterly. Perhaps that's the reason he's trying so hard to deny these feelings exist.] I just... wish I didn't feel this way at all.

[She knows he doesn't feel well, on top of just falling down the stairs and being all wrapped up in emotional turmoil. Nephry turns for the kitchen, but not without saying something first.]

Sometimes you must decide to stop making things more difficult for you.

[The kitchen does not occupy her for long. She comes back with ice water for him and tea for herself, though there is more should he decide he wants that. Sitting beside him on the couch this time, she makes a minor point of looking into her cup - not at him.]

Would it be inconsiderate of me to share a story about myself with you?

[Her last remark will only be met with a frown, seeing as he doesn't exactly disagree. He doesn't know what would come of having his heart broken even more, nor is he convinced knowing the truth would be enough to make things more difficult. It didn't work with Anise, why would it work now?]

[He takes the water with a small "thank you" but doesn't drink any just yet, instead staring down at it much in the way Nephry is her own cup. It isn't until she speaks up that he looks at her -- it was an unexpected offer, and it shows as much on his face.]

...not at all.

[How to begin, with something like this?]

When I was younger, before I met or married my husband, I was in love with someone else. We knew each other very well, growing up together and growing closer due to our relative isolation in Keterburg.

[Even now, affection for him colors her words.]

We loved each other. Very much, and without needing to really say so, even though we said it often enough.

[This breath is 100 percent there to steady her.]

Then my birthday Score told me I was going to marry someone else.

[Ion stays silent as Nephry speaks, not quite sure what to expect. But while he can hear the affection in her tone, there's also a sense of... sadness? It isn't quite clear as to why until she mentions the Score.]

[How easy they take it for granted now, living here in a world that never knew the Score, full of people who would likely find the idea of such a thing preposterous. But back then on Auldrant, there weren't many people out there who would openly defy the Score. Though on one hand he doesn't think he needs to ask, he finds himself asking anyway:]

What did you do?

He had moved to the capital by then. I wrote him a letter, telling him that...we couldn't go through with it. That it wouldn't work, because he was a noble and I was of common blood.

[No one - no one - has heard this story.]

We still loved each other, but...to go against the score at that time was unheard of. Practically impossible. [And yet, she gave him a different reason.] He argued and he wanted it to be different...and now that we don't have the Score anymore, sometimes I wonder if it could have been. If we missed the chance to find real happiness together because one of us was too foolish to hold out for what she wanted.

Nephry...

[Even though Ion may not have ever heard the story before, there are enough clues in her narrative to reveal the unspoken identity of the other man. What other noble lived away from the capital in his youth? And with a history of knowing Nephry during the time he spent there? And who still, to this day, remained unattached? But he doesn't ask. He feels it wouldn't appropriate to do so, if Nephry didn't feel the need to mention his name.]

[But that's not to say there isn't something he wants to ask. It's a delicate question, knowing that answering it could be painful.]

...why didn't you tell him the real reason?

I've been trying to answer that for myself for a long time, Ion. [She almost laughs, once. It is a sad sound.] There are several answers, but the trust one is probably that I was young, and in love, and thought my whole world had just fallen apart. So the decision I made felt right at the time...but wasn't, not really.

Perhaps I panicked. Maybe I wanted to spare him, or felt that the truth wasn't good enough, that he would never accept that. ...We had heard similar rumors about the future Emperor marrying nobility before. [If Ion didn't know already, he does now.]

I don't know why. But I regret not being honest with him.

[Hearing this now, he can't help but feel very privileged to be -- what he can only imagine, he may be -- the only person in Luceti to have heard this story. Perhaps the only person Nephry has ever told... and though there's a small part of him that feels she brought this up to make a point, he's also just as certain that perhaps this is something she just needed to tell someone. How long has she dealt this? Through all those experiments and the times when Peony had been here, living with them in this very house...]

[There's a question hanging in every word she says, hinted at with that affectionate tone she still used for something that happened so long ago. But... what good would it do to ask, he wonders. Peony wasn't here. And back home, Nephry was already with someone else. To ask would probably only remind her of the hopelessness of the situation. And that look on her face was already so sad.]

Do you think you'll ever tell him the truth?

I want to, someday. ...It doesn't feel like the sort of thing that can really be said in a letter.

[But with him in the capital and her in Keterburg, neither of them with much chance of going to the other place...well. He could arrange a trip to his borrowed hometown.]

What would he think of me, I wonder?

Would you want anything to become of it? By telling him...

[As soon as he asks, he realizes that might be a bit too much and looks down.] You don't need to answer that. But... have you ever considered telling him here in Luceti? It's... always possible that he might come back.

He never seems to stay for a long enough time to become...comfortable, with the way things are here. And it would depend on his when. ...But yes. I think I would tell him, now, given the chance.

...then I hope you'll have that chance someday. [If not here, then back home -- though that's not exactly a situation Ion would like to think about.]

[He's at a bit of a loss for what else to say -- after all, there's a part of him that can see Nephry's reasoning for telling him this story right now. And unlike Nephry, Ion is in a position where he can say something, and perhaps give himself a shot at happiness.]

[And yet despite knowing that, he's still hesitant.]

Thank you. [She looks...upset. Upset and relieved all at once, and she lifts a hand to her eyes as she shakes her head at herself.] I don't know why it's been bothering me so much lately.

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