distressedude | 028 ~ [Action/Voice]

Entry tags:

028 ~ [Action/Voice]

[ Friday Afternoon - House One ]
[Ever since the day Asch had to carry Ion home after he fell in the middle of the street, he's slowly come to a realization. For the past few days, the duration of time in which Ion was able to stand had only grown shorter and shorter. He can't stand at all without assistance, and that assistance essentially amounts to someone holding him up while his legs hang there, limply. Stairs have quickly become an impossible obstacle for him to overcome, forcing him to relocate to the spare room on the first floor. Now, with a pillow over his face, he laid in bed -- wishing he could fall back asleep so he would have an excuse not to call someone for help in getting up. He wasn't hungry, and in truth he just had no reason to get up and out of bed.]

[He wasn't going to get better. There was no known cure.]

[But that line of thinking wouldn't get him anywhere. It wasn't going to help him get better, and it wouldn't help him face the reality of what's happening to him. He hadn't even told anyone in the House about the diagnosis yet, using his own near-constant fatigue as an excuse to change the subject whenever it came up. And yet he's sure they've noticed something -- a change in him this past week. He hasn't been himself at all, and it seemed like the more he lost the ability to function, the more he lost the ability to care This morning had been no different, with Ion staying in bed well into the afternoon... until he heard something whining softly beside his bed.]

[Peeking out from behind the pillow, he saw the paws and nose of Colonel the puppy, curiously investigating as to why Ion was still in bed at almost 2 in the afternoon. Had someone opened the door for him? Or was he just getting better at getting into every little thing? After another whine and a short bark, Ion reaches out to gently scratch behind his ear, as if to reassure him.]

Did you come to wake me up? I've been awake for awhile now. [His words are met with a puzzled tilt of the head from Colonel.] I'm all right. Just... tired. That's why I'm still in bed, after all.

[With anther whine and a scampering of paws, Colonel bats at the bed again before skittering off to the other side of the room. Folded up by the desk is the wheelchair Ion borrowed from the clinic earlier that week, which has only been used but once. When he turns and barks again, Ion pulls the pillow away from his face and pushes himself upright.]

...what is it? Do you want to play? [An enthusiastic bark.] Why don't you go find Florian? Or Tear? [A whine, and then another bark.] I'm sorry. I can't play with you. [More scampering, and accompanied by a series of loud barks in succession. His patience has worn thin.] Colonel!

[The barking stops. With another soft whine, Colonel lays down and presses his nose to the floor. Ion didn't even realize why until he looked up, seeing the pillow from before in his hand, about to be thrown at the dog. As he lowers the pillow, Colonel perks up immediately and skips back over, paws once more up on the bedside.]

...I'm sorry.

[What was wrong with him? What was he doing?]

I'm so sorry, Colonel.

[It was silly. This was silly. He's already died before. What difference would it make if it happened again?]

I'm sorry... I can't even tell you the truth... can I?

[Since when has he been afraid of death?]

--

[ Saturday - Action / Voice ]
[Today was a new day.]

[For the first time in a long time, Ion got out of bed as soon as he woke up. It took more effort than he'd like to admit, but eventually he leaves his room, wheeling himself along in the wheelchair he borrowed from the clinic. He has only one goal for the day, and that goal is to make today as fundamentally normal for himself as possible. Though still feeling far more tired than usual, without the added strain of trying to force his leg muscles to move, accomplishing that goal actually seems to be within reach.]

[His first stop is the library. It's the place he frequents most often and the trip he knows he'll need to get used to first. Thankfully, these past few weeks of being unable to stand for very long have let him grow accustomed to asking for help reaching the books on the higher shelves. Now, it just means there are a few more rows he needs help with... though on the bright side, the previously inaccessible bottom row was now much easier to reach.]

[From there, he makes his way around to various other parts of the village, sometimes to actually go in but mostly just to get a feel for getting around. The school, Seventh Heaven, the clinic, the plaza... he's not quite brave enough to try venturing much further than that for now, but that was more than enough for one day. He's not exactly a champion of upper-body strength, after all. Before it even starts to get dark, he'll head back to House one.]

--

[Later that night, he pulls out his journal. His voice sounds tired, but his exact mood may be hard to place outside of anyone who knows him very well.]

Perhaps this question is a bit vague... but has anyone ever changed in a way that seemed to be for the worse, only to realize it could potentially be for the better? Not quite a physical change, but... a change in the way you think about certain things.

If you're willing to share, of course.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He's rather light these days, so helping him back up will only be difficult in the sense that he can't really help much himself. And as she helps him, his breathing comes in short, jagged breaths -- even just moving him right now seems to cause him pain.]

[Once he's sitting upright on the bed again, his immediate reaction is to lean against Nephry, unable to hug her back properly for how tired his arms are right now.]

[The way he's breathing scares her more than anything that has happened to him so far.]

Ion, it's all right, calm down. [She wonders if he really hurt himself, if something is broken or sprained or- Without voicing those concerns, she holds him up as gently as she can.] Shh.

[It'll take awhile for him to calm down completely. A few minutes for his breathing to stabilize, and a few more for him to stop shivering in her arms.]

[By the 15 minute mark, he finally speaks up. His voice is weak from the pain and from crying earlier. But at least by now he knows this is hardly something he should apologize for.]

...thank you, Nephry.

[She tries to beat the shivering by pulling the covers up around him, managing to snag the corner of his spare blanket with a finger and wrap it over his shoulders. He sounds terrible, and no wonder.]

How long were you lying there like that? [If he tries to sit up, she won't let him. They can talk like this.]

[He'll make no effort or attempt to move from this position. He needs the comfort, and he's not about to refuse it.]

...not more than a few minutes, I think. It... felt like longer. I tried to pull myself up, but it hurt... so I stopped.

Oh. [Saying much more than that feels hollow.] I'm sorry.

[She would be content to sit with him until he falls asleep again, but she knows he is still worked up, no matter how tired he sounds.]

You don't have to talk. I'll stay here if you want me to.

[At first he just nods, perfectly content with things staying just like this until he falls asleep again.]

[But the moment his mind drifts back to the dream he had, he realizes that staying silent won't do anything to keep those dreams from coming back. Not when it's so obvious why he's having them.]

Actually, I... I had a bad dream. That's why I fell out of bed.

It wasn't real. [Whatever it was. It couldn't hurt him now.] Even the worst of dreams isn't real.

[However, if he starts to open up about it, she will shut her mouth and listen.]

...but it could be. And when I woke up, I didn't realize it wasn't. I must have... tried to run out of bed, only to realize that I couldn't.

It could be? Did you dream about an experiment?

[...]

I dreamed that you went home.

[...

That upset him enough to make him want to bolt out of bed, and left him sobbing on the floor? She can't even promise him that it won't be true someday. Subconsciously, she holds on a bit tighter.]

You're in luck. I'm still here. And I expect I will be for a while.

[It helps to hear it. To hear her voice and know it's true -- she's still here.]

[But...]

...but what if I'm not?

I will miss you more than words can describe, then.

...that's not quite what I meant. [But the answer could very well be the same, couldn't?]

Nephry, I... there's something I need to tell you.

You don't...have to, if you would rather wait until the morning. Don't force yourself.

[He shakes his head.]

No... I should have told you sooner. I should have... told you a week ago, after I found out.

All right. What is it?

[Nephry keeps an arm around him, adjusting the blankets with the other.]

...last week, when I went to the clinic... they found out what's wrong with me. And they found out why I'm not getting any better. Because... I'm not going to get better.

[The hand that lives to freeze itself around her heart appears again; she cannot stop a fast inhale at his words.]

What makes you say that for sure?

...because there's no cure.

[He's trying so hard to keep his voice steady. So hard to try and hide how painful this is to talk about, knowing how painful it is to hear. But not even he can manage to hide the waver in his voice as he speaks.]

The last time I was kidnapped, the Malnosso did something to me, and the fonons in my body became contaminated with miasma. But if that alone were the case, I shouldn't have been getting worse... unless whatever they did to me was putting more miasma into my body somehow as time wore on.

There's medication that can suppress the effects, but if the level of miasma just keeps increasing... my body won't be able to handle it anymore.

[He's held on to this for a week. Longer, if he has subconsciously known all along as Nephry suspects. Why would the Malnosso do such a thing - give him a disease that would kill him? If they wanted him to suffer the effects of dying, as horrifying as that was, they could have just...

A few silent minutes later, and Nephry shakes her head.]

There must be more that we can do.

There may be people in the village who know more. People who come from worlds with more advanced medicine than what we have an Auldrant.

[But if this was caused by the Malnosso, if there anyone who would know how to stop it from just coming back?]

I just... have a hard time believing that myself.

What made you keep it to yourself for so long?

[There's a long pause. That's a more difficult question to answer than he would have thought, and when he does, the answer actually surprises him a little. There are so many reason as to why he wouldn't have said anything. But only one of them was the true reason.]

...because I'm afraid. And I just... didn't know how to say it.

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]

[action]