distressedude | 012 ~ [Action]

Entry tags:

012 ~ [Action]

[Anise hadn't even been gone a full day yet and Ion already didn't know what to do with himself. It hurt to look across the hall and know that the room was empty. It hurt knowing he wouldn't see Anise's smiling face as she cooked breakfast in the morning. It hurt knowing he wouldn't get to spend another day with her around the village. It hurt knowing he still had so many things he wanted to talk to her about, things he needed to say to her, and now he couldn't.]

[Too many things were hurting and he didn't know how to handle it. He'd never felt something like this before.]

[And the only thing he could think of right now was to try not handling it. He needed time. This was different from the kidnappings; he may not have been able to know when, but he always knew she would come back eventually. And he would be there waiting for her. Now? He wasn't sure he could wait. Naturally, the thought that he might never see her again had already crossed his mind. Even if she were brought back to Luceti, he could be sent back before then...]

[He needed to get his mind off of things. Even if just for a day. Even if just for an hour.]

[Which is why Ion will be making his way around the village today, first stopping at the library and trying in vain to lose himself within the pages of a good book. Or a few books. From there, he wanders the areas around the plaza for awhile, perhaps grabbing something to eat at one of the restaurants despite his lack of an appetite. Eventually he'll give up on this and settle for walking the paths of the village until it gets too cold to do so anymore. By the time the sun has set, he'll be sitting on the front porch of House 1 and looking up at the starry sky, still not quite ready to head back inside.]

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[Ion makes no acknowledgement of the door opening behind him either time, save for when the blanket is draped over his shoulders. He pulls it closer with a slight shiver, debating whether or not he should just go inside, but...]

Nephry?

[She stops at the door and half-turns back around]

Yes?

...would you mind sitting with me for a awhile?

Of course not.

[comes back over and takes a seat beside him, offering a sad smile]

[Ion doesn't return the smile, but he looks much more calm compared to how he'd been earlier in the day, and certainly more calm than yesterday.]

[For awhile it seems like he doesn't plan on talking. When he does speak up, his voice is quiet.]

...I'd never noticed before. The way the snow stays so bright at night against the stars. It never snowed much in Daath, and the sky is usually so cloudy at night this time of year.

...It's been quite some time since I've noticed, either. I suppose I've gotten used to it. But on the night of a full moon, if it's clear, it's quite possible to go for a walk in the snow and find it almost as bright as day.

Bright as day... that sounds nice. [There's a small smile on his face, but it's more thoughtful than happy.]

But even if it looks like the day, it wouldn't be the same. It would still be too cold for someone like me. If I went out that late at night, Anise would be...

[He trails off, unable to finish that sentence, even with that small smile still on his face.]

That's why you walk with friends. ...And we still need to solve the problem of your improper winter clothes.

[if this were summer there would be crickets.]

...I never did find the time to get a new coat, did I. By Luceti's calender, winter is already nearly over.

It seems rather foolish, putting off something so important for so long until it's too late...

[His tone may allude that his last sentence had nothing to do with buying a winter coat. The smile drops off his face.]

...There was something you wanted to say to her?

[He doesn't answer her question. Not yet, anyway. His eyes look towards the ground.]

...it's selfish. I know it is. Yet I can't stop myself from wishing she'd come back. To have even another moment with her had been a blessing enough, but to be able to spend these past few months by her side again...

[She's not sure whether to respond or just to let him keep talking. ...For now, she opts for silence.]

I know... it's better this way. She belongs back home. So she can live on and lead a long, happy life on Auldrant.

[He looks back up at the stars overhead.] It's just difficult getting used to the idea that I won't be there to live on with her... even though I'm still here.

[How can you accept that you've died back home when you continue to live on elsewhere?]

[oh. My, that is difficult. A good answer to that isn't coming into her head very quickly. Right now each one is living on without the other, an impossibility. How do you respond to that kind of thing?]

I see.

[It wasn't an easy thing to respond to, and Ion realized that. He wasn't even sure what sort of response to expect. All this time, he'd never really spoken to anyone about his death, but times like this made it hard to forget.]

...I'm sorry. This topic is rather dark, isn't it.

No darker than many others. [she has someone close to her who is dead at home, too, and alive in Luceti.] Don't let it stop you.

[He tries to go back to that same smile as before, but something about it just seems sad.] ...I don't think I ever thought about it the first time I was here. I was able to just accept that I was here now and everything would be all right. And even if I was sent back... that would be all right too...

[He trails off for a moment.]

...did Anise ever tell you about it? About what happened back then.

...Not in detail. I've heard...parts, from others.

...that isn't too surprising. It wasn't something we ever spoke about either. I know she had her reasons for what she did, and I hold nothing against her for it.

[It wasn't an easy topic to bring up.]

...to be honest, it had been my intention to die even before the incident that caused it.

...Had it? [trying to cover her complete and total shock and Ion. Fon Master. What?]

I've lost any clarity I may have had on the details of...all that happened that day, unfortunately. ...But if I may ask. Why?

[He's not foolish enough to believe Nephry is as calm as she's pretending to be, but he's thankful it.]

...it was the only way I could help them. The miasma had contaminated Tear's body. It was killing her. Removing the miasma otherwise would have been impossible...

[He looks down at his hands.] It was only when my own body began to dissipate that I was able to draw the contaminated fonons out of her body and into my own.

[He tightens his hand into a fist.] ...and it worked. I was even able... to leave them with a final reading of the score in the hopes of guiding them. To give them some kind of hint...

[His eyes are back at the sky, and despite everything he's saying, he's smiling.]

Even though it was through Mohs' manipulation that the stage was set, it had been my decision to die that day.

...I take it they didn't know you had planned to do that, for Tear.

[Small, hesitant nod.] I never had a chance to bring it up. And even then... I know they would have been against it.

But I had to do something to help them. To save her.

Well of course. They care about you as much as they do about Tear. ...They would have wanted to find another solution. A better one.

[He falls silent for a minute or two.]

...but the thing is... I'm a replica. A weak one. It was inevitable that my life was going to be a short one. I didn't want to die knowing I hadn't been able to accomplish something... to do something meaningful with this life I'd been given... something other than living as a replacement for someone who had died.

[He bows his head.] That's why... I was happy to have died in the way that I did. In a way that I wanted to.

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