distressedude | 027 ~ [Action]

Entry tags:

027 ~ [Action]

[The past few days have been rather strange for Ion. Between all the problems stemming off of what happened on Christmas eve and the incident with Kohan, something new has started happening. Something he can't quite explain.]

[It started out of nowhere. Just like that day when he was returned from the malnosso, he awoke with a sharp pain running down his arms and legs. But this time it felt different -- stronger. And it took more than a few minutes before he finally felt stable enough to move out of bed. For awhile, he thought perhaps it was nothing. Maybe he was just feeling a little sore from all the stress? It wouldn't be the first time stress had affected his health, after all.]

[But then it happened again at the library. And that was only a few hours after a rather nasty fall while walking around the village, scraping the palms of his hands and his knees. He's lucky it was snowing earlier that day, or it might have been even worse! But in the library, all he had been doing was sitting and reading. And then, once he tried to move again to find another book, his legs prickled with pain, pulling him back down where he'd been sitting.]

[Something was wrong. But what should he do? Would it be right to bring this up, knowing it might be nothing? Especially if it does turn out to be nothing, in which case he'd just be causing undue stress for the others. And he can't help but think back to that last conversation with Nephry...]

[Which is why he'll be popping over to go visit a certain friend, without notice -- rather unlike him, but he didn't exactly want to make the trek back home to fetch his journal. He'll just have to hope he's home...]

[After that, he'll be making his way home. But given the snow still falling and covering the ground, he won't be having a very easy time of it. At least the snow will provide a soft landing for when he trips over his own feet.]

--

((ooc: Hey guys! So this post is basically the starting point for a little plot I've got going for Ion. Feel free to catch him anywhere around the village, including: the plaza, Seventh Heaven, the library, walking towards C4, or making his way back to House 1.))

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All right. [At least she has practice with going as slowly as Ion might require. Come on, Fon Master, up off the floor.]

[Though he takes a steadying breath to prepare himself for pain when he gets to his feet, thankfully none of that seems to happen, and they'll be able to proceed to the living room without incident. He'll be a little unsteady, mostly from the fall, but that's nothing having an arm to lean on can't help with.]

[Once he's sitting on the sofa, he'll lean back into it with a tired sigh. Much better than the floor.]

Thank you, Nephry.

You're welcome. [He has the sofa; she takes the nearby chair.] If you're still feeling so shaky in a little while, I'll ask someone to come look at you.

All right. [With a nod. But rather than remain with his back against the cushions, he sits up and glances out back into the hall, silently wondering to himself if they're the only two home right now... presumably so, seeing as no one else came running when he fell.]

[His eyes linger in that direction for a few moments, as though waiting for someone to suddenly burst through the front door... and then he turns back to Nephry.]

...ah, Nephry? Would it... be all right if I spoke with you about something? It's not quite related to all of this, but...

You can speak to me about anything, Ion, no matter what it's related to.

[...]

Did you... hear about what happened to me on Christmas Eve?

[He didn't exactly swear anyone to secrecy, but thankfully he doesn't know too many gossips.]

No. Should I have? [There goes that eyebrow again.]

Not unless someone told you, I'm sure. [He really didn't want Nephry to learn about what happened, though in this instance only because it was rather embarrassing. But it was the starting point for everything that happened afterward... unfortunately, his story would have too many holes if he didn't explain why he wasn't himself that day.]

Those elves that wandering around the village never really asked much from me until that morning. One of them told me to drink two cartons of eggnog, which... I didn't realize contained alcohol. And because of that, I wasn't quite... myself that day. Or maybe I was, but just... more honest than I usually am.

[Honest. Yeah, that's a good word for it.]

Not to imply that I'm usually dishonest of course, but... there are certain things I generally know that I shouldn't do, even if I want to. And I didn't seem capable of remembering that.

I know what alcohol is like. [Oh, but a smile is fighting its way onto her face.] You don't need to explain the finer points of inebriation to me this evening.

[But explaining it all makes him feel a little better about his behavior. By all means, he feels he should have been able to control himself better! You know, unless the truth is that he didn't want to control himself... which to a certain extent, isn't entirely untrue.]

[He nods before continuing.]

Well... it just so happened that Christmas Eve was the same day the Malnosso decided to fill Luceti with mistletoe. I don't know if you happened to run into any, but... if you walked under one with someone, you couldn't move until you kissed them.

[His face is just going to start getting redder the closer he gets to his point.]

...and the person I was with, I... I don't think I was entirely an unwilling participant.

[That is more of an understatement than she'll ever know.]

[This isn't going anywhere good, is it?]

Forgive me for asking, Ion, but it wasn't Anise, was it?

[Though he can't exactly blame her for making that assumption, it still stings a little. While it's true he did run into Anise later in the day, even inebriated as he was, he knew well enough to control himself around her. Their relationship is complicated enough as it is...]

No... no, it wasn't Anise.

[...and yet for some reason, a part of him almost feels as though it would be easier to tell Nephry if it had been. His gaze falls to his lap. It's not as though this is the first time he's spoken to Nephry about something like this... why did it feel so difficult?]

You... remember my friend Kohan, right?

Yes, he's been here before. It was him, then?

[Before she says anything else, Nephry surveys the potential danger in these waters. Ion is obviously bothered by at least one thing about this incident.]

And you think that both of you were...more than just affected by a mischievous experiment?

[He gives a stiff nod in answer to her first question. But to her second, his demeanor changes just a bit -- though he's still rather embarrassed by the topic at hand, the more he talks about it, the sadder that smile on his face starts to look, try as he might to hide it.]

...no. Or rather, that's not what he thinks. It wouldn't be the first time something like this has happened between us, after all. And just like those other times, I thought perhaps we would just... get past it. But even after talking things out with him, it's still...

[He brings a hand up to his chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt.] ...it's strange. I never felt this way after the last experiments. Those feelings weren't real, so I only ever felt a little embarrassed. But this time it... it just hurts.

Edited 2013-02-11 04:38 (UTC)

Then perhaps the two of you should have such a talk without an experiment going on around you. The feelings are obviously real for you, at least.

[And there's something about this that makes her want to add:] It should be a simple conversation, without trying to skirt around the issue or make it seem like something else to save face.

...the last time we spoke was almost a week ago. [Which coincides more or less perfectly for when Ion started avoiding everyone, and also when this mysterious pain began.] If what happened on Christmas Eve had been an experiment, it would have certainly been over by then.

[There's a part of that knows Nephry's advice is solid, and perhaps if he paid better attention to it, he could believe in it. But after the way his last conversation with Kohan went, he can't even bring up the courage to talk to him normally, let alone try and work up the courage to tell him how he feels.]

I tried to bring it up, but... he rejected the idea so quickly... I couldn't bring myself to disagree with him. Perhaps it's my fault for not being more direct, but... but if he felt the same, wouldn't he have said something?

Have you never rejected something just because you fear it might be true?

[She isn't sure he wants to hear anything from her. It seems more like he just needs to say everything he's been thinking, instead.]

[Her thoughts aren't too far off. There aren't many people he'd feel comfortable talking to about this sort of thing, which is unfortunate given it's the sort of topic that tends to spiral if he spends too long thinking about it on his own.]

No, but... [But this is different! Or is it? After all, wasn't it this same line of reasoning that kept Ion from realizing his own feelings before? Being too afraid of what those feelings might mean.] ...I suppose if that were the case, he wouldn't be the only one.

But even so, if there's a chance that he does feel the same, isn't it just as possible that he doesn't? I... I don't want to go through that again.

So you would rather sit here and wonder and worry yourself into sickness with not knowing, instead. [It's very gentle. From his perspective it must not seem so clear cut at all. Nephry gets herself close enough to close a hand over his shoulder.]

At least if you know then you will know, and you can stop questioning.

[He doesn't really respond to that first part. He's not about to acknowledge that his worrying about this situation with Kohan could have been what triggered his stress to go up so much, even if the timing seems to fit.]

...it's not that simple. Even if knowing would take the pressure off of myself, I don't want to do anything that would make things more difficult for him. [Like he did when he told Anise. He doesn't want his feelings to be a burden -- to be an inconvenience to Kohan, even if he knows Kohan would never say so. After all, Kohan's already had to deal with false memories his whole life. The last thing he needs is to deal with false emotions. And though it's become increasingly clear that Ion's feelings are sincere, he still can't say the same for Kohan.]

[There's a bitterness in his next words -- a bitterness he didn't have before coming to Luceti. After all, it's only in Luceti that he's really experienced love, and so far, most of his experiences have only ended bitterly. Perhaps that's the reason he's trying so hard to deny these feelings exist.] I just... wish I didn't feel this way at all.

[She knows he doesn't feel well, on top of just falling down the stairs and being all wrapped up in emotional turmoil. Nephry turns for the kitchen, but not without saying something first.]

Sometimes you must decide to stop making things more difficult for you.

[The kitchen does not occupy her for long. She comes back with ice water for him and tea for herself, though there is more should he decide he wants that. Sitting beside him on the couch this time, she makes a minor point of looking into her cup - not at him.]

Would it be inconsiderate of me to share a story about myself with you?

[Her last remark will only be met with a frown, seeing as he doesn't exactly disagree. He doesn't know what would come of having his heart broken even more, nor is he convinced knowing the truth would be enough to make things more difficult. It didn't work with Anise, why would it work now?]

[He takes the water with a small "thank you" but doesn't drink any just yet, instead staring down at it much in the way Nephry is her own cup. It isn't until she speaks up that he looks at her -- it was an unexpected offer, and it shows as much on his face.]

...not at all.

[How to begin, with something like this?]

When I was younger, before I met or married my husband, I was in love with someone else. We knew each other very well, growing up together and growing closer due to our relative isolation in Keterburg.

[Even now, affection for him colors her words.]

We loved each other. Very much, and without needing to really say so, even though we said it often enough.

[This breath is 100 percent there to steady her.]

Then my birthday Score told me I was going to marry someone else.

[Ion stays silent as Nephry speaks, not quite sure what to expect. But while he can hear the affection in her tone, there's also a sense of... sadness? It isn't quite clear as to why until she mentions the Score.]

[How easy they take it for granted now, living here in a world that never knew the Score, full of people who would likely find the idea of such a thing preposterous. But back then on Auldrant, there weren't many people out there who would openly defy the Score. Though on one hand he doesn't think he needs to ask, he finds himself asking anyway:]

What did you do?

He had moved to the capital by then. I wrote him a letter, telling him that...we couldn't go through with it. That it wouldn't work, because he was a noble and I was of common blood.

[No one - no one - has heard this story.]

We still loved each other, but...to go against the score at that time was unheard of. Practically impossible. [And yet, she gave him a different reason.] He argued and he wanted it to be different...and now that we don't have the Score anymore, sometimes I wonder if it could have been. If we missed the chance to find real happiness together because one of us was too foolish to hold out for what she wanted.

027 ~ [Action]

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