021 ~ [Voice]

[distressedude]

[Even with the month of February coming to a close, the weather has still been rather cold. But that didn't stop spring from trying to make its way through, and even now, one could see the start of buds on trees around the forest. Appropriately bundled up for the weather, Ion rests at the foot of the largest tree in the cherry tree grove just north of the village. Taking in a long, steady breath, he absentmindedly opens his journal. When he speaks, it doesn't even seem like he's addressing the journal at first. His voice sounds distant; he's had a lot on his mind lately.]

I wonder what it would be like to live in Luceti longer than I lived back on Auldrant... so far. [Those last words are added rather hastily, like an after-thought. There's a wistful smile on his face.] Thinking about it used to make me feel sad... now I'm almost not sure what to think. It feels like the longer I'm here, the greater the chance is that I might start to forget things about home. The sound of the city bustling to life in the morning. The way the sun shines off the fonbelt in the sky at sunset. The faces of all the kind people I've met...

[He trails off before smiling a little more brightly.]

But I guess it really hasn't been all that long. [Two years in Luceti. Almost a year back on Auldrant. Nearly a quarter of the time he's been alive.] Besides, there are things here that I never want to forget as well...

[He trails off and looks off into the distance. The only sound for a few moments is that of birds chirping overhead. Aburptly, he looks back down at the journal.]

Ah. I think I lost track of where I was going with this. I'm sorry for rambling.

Comments

[distressedude]

...yes, I'm all right.

[There's a few more moments of silence before he shakes his head and puts on a smile. Sync wasn't the only one who spent his life wearing a mask... and he didn't need to go about worrying Kohan now, did he?]

I'm sorry. I guess I just have more on my mind than I thought.

[personafalsify]

... Yeah. I, um...

About... that experiment... [ THERE IS NO WAY THIS WILL NOT BE AWKWARD ]

[distressedude]

[THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK after all, nothing works better to stave off embarrassment than being reminded of your own mortality!]



[...then again, a week of near-constant hugging and kissing and cuddling one of your best friends is pretty awkward.]

You don't need to say anything, Kohan. It was an experiment, after all.

[personafalsify]

R-right... [ EXCEPT HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THESE FEELS. Well he's pretty sure he doesn't like-like Ion (unless he actually does?) but that was still really... uh... nice. ]

... Still feels like I should apologize.

[distressedude]

There's nothing to apologize for. Even though it was a little embarrassing... [Understatement.]

Still... it felt nice. To know what it feels like to love someone and have them feel the same...

[That last part especially. The way he says it, he might even sound a bit sad... but he'll cover that up with a small laugh.] To be honest, I almost feel like I should be thanking you.

[personafalsify]

... Except it wasn't real. [ And that hurts. Having more memories of something fake. It may have really happened, but that wasn't how he really felt. ]

[distressedude]

...no. I guess it wasn't.

[Why did that seem so sad? He didn't feel about Kohan that way -- they were just friends. And yet even so...]

Still... and I hope you don't mind me saying so, but I am glad I was with you and not someone else. That was the first time I'd ever been with someone like that... and I'd rather it have been someone I knew and trusted rather than someone I didn't.



[Since, you know, Kohan was his first kiss and all.]

[personafalsify]

[ It takes a while for Kohan to formulate a proper response to that. Part of him feels like he doesn't have to worry about his words so much because this is Ion but at the same time he can't help but feel like he's walking on eggshells trying not to screw... something up. ]

I'm sorry. That your... first time was just... something fake.

[ ... Wait Ion's not going to misinterpret that as Kohan calling himself fake, is he? Um, um... ]

[distressedude]

Kohan... [It's a little of both, really. Part of him knows that he means the experiment itself and the feelings they felt during the experiment. But he also knows how strong a word that can be when you're a replica. Perhaps moreso in Kohan's case, who actually had to deal with learning he was a replica rather than simply always knowing.]

Please don't apologize. It's true, what we felt during the experiment wasn't real, but that doesn't make what happened any less real. I'm glad it was with you, Kohan. And not just because it's less embarassing, but because you're my friend.

[personafalsify]

[ SPEAK FOR YOURSELF ABOUT THE "EMBARRASSING" PART THERE ]

... I don't know if that makes it better. Which parts of it were real and which... weren't.

... I'm glad you're not upset.

[distressedude]

Why would I be? [Well, okay, aside from the obvious. But come on bro, have you ever seen Ion anything even remotely close to upset?]

Actually, I'm sorry I didn't try to contact you myself sooner... I've had a lot on my mind lately.

[personafalsify]

[ That doesn't mean he wouldn't be. ]

... Like what? [ This is something that isn't embarrassing kissytimes yes? ]

[distressedude]

[...]

You saw that message on the journals a few days ago, didn't you? About our own worlds?

[And how people could go home.]

[He's not exaggerating when he says he has a lot on his mind, but this is by far the one that's unsettled him the most.]

[personafalsify]

... Yeah.

[ Rep doesn't think he wants to go back. ]

[distressedude]

...do you think they're really capable of something like that? Even if it were only for a day, perhaps that means they could make something more permanent in the future.

[And yet somehow, he doesn't sound happy at all while talking about this.]

[personafalsify]

... Dunno. Guess it'd mean... we'd all leave this place. If they could. [ He gives a soft, half-hearted chuckle. ] I mean, who wouldn't want to leave? [ But it's clear from the tone of his voice that he doesn't really believe that. ]

[distressedude]

[...]

[There's still no filter yet, but it's looking rather tempting at this point.]

I wouldn't.

[personafalsify]

...

[ Kohan, on the other hand, doesn't really think there's much of a secret to this. Not for him. ]

I wouldn't, either.

[distressedude]

[Ah, Ion remembered Kohan mentioning the same thing during Valentine's Day. Though at the time, he hadn't asked why...]

Is it because you don't want to forget your memories of Luceti?

[personafalsify]

... Yeah. I've learned... so much here. About myself... as myself. Not as Riku. I don't... want to go back to before. I don't want to go back to being just a fake Riku.

[distressedude]

...perhaps if they did ever find a way to send us back, they could do so without making us lose our memories? They mentioned it being possible to send people to other worlds, after all...

[But even then, Ion isn't sure that'd be an option for himself.]

[At least, not an option he'd consider.]

[personafalsify]

... Still. I don't know if... what if that would change the future that other people know about? What would happen?

[distressedude]

...I don't believe the future to be something set in stone. People have the right to choose their own path.

If knowing the future would cause someone to change that path, then I suppose people from that future would become the results of that change.

[A pause.] But as for what that would mean for those who would be affected... I don't know. Before coming here, I didn't think it would be possible to talk with someone from the past or future.

[personafalsify]

... I didn't, either.

I'm still not sure I'd want to go back. I guess I'd never really thought about whether the future was already decided.

[distressedude]

Perhaps it's not a future that was already decided, but the future people happened to decide for themselves? Simply the result of many possible outcomes...

[A pause.] There are people on Auldrant who believe the world is destined to follow a single path. I've never agreed with that way of thinking myself.